What complete bollocks.

I’ve clearly made a terrible mistake reading this article, entitled:

The 10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make During Sex

Firstly, the idea that there is a right way and a wrong way to “do sex” is deeply flawed. Everybody is different, and we all like different things.

Let’s remember that sex is SUPPOSED to be FUN.

For Jaysus, who wants to have a running checklist in their head whilst they’re in the middle of getting it on?! Don’t we have enough to worry about without adding anxiety to sexy times?

Here are women’s worst sexual crimes, according to Women’s Health, Australia:

Failing to initiate sex
Always wanting sex with the lights off
Faking an orgasm
Talking too much
Not asking to try anything new
Mentioning what an ex-partner did in bed
Over-thinking sex
Being too timid
Believing he is always up for sex
Worrying too much about how they look

Women’s Health, Australia

 

Oh, Lordy. Deep breath now:

So, basically, inititate lots of sex, make sure the light is on, never EVER mention that you’ve previously boned other people, don’t worry about what you look like (despite the fact that we live in a deeply patriarchal society where a woman’s greatest value is whether she’s doable), make sure you don’t talk (who wants to hear about how you want to get down?), always be prepared for your man to want sex with you, but don’t demand it from him (except when you’re supposed to initiate sex… and you’ll need to plot how to communicate that you’re ready for sex without speaking at all – perhaps just lie there with your legs in the air. Possibly create some kind of smoke signal?), make sure that you ask to try new things (but don’t talk about it – maybe communicate your new kinky interest through the medium of shadow puppets?), be bold but silent, and FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON’T OVERTHINK SEX, YEAH?

Fuck me sideways. What’s a girl to do?

Oh yes, ignore any sex advice you read in a magazine.  That should do it.