Tis the season to be bitchy…

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

It’s not even November, and yet the insidious pre-Christmas diet peddlers are out in force.

I dislike diet culture immensely. I avoid it as often as I can. I block accounts that promote diets, weight loss pills, magic cures for a “problem” that doesn’t need to be cured. Sure, I could lose a few pounds, but I enjoy my life too much to miss out on any tasty goodness. And, oh yeah – there’s nothing wrong with me, just as I am.

I actively avoid diet culture, wherever I can. So, can you imagine my surprise when at a networking meeting, a new attendee stood to do her 45 second introduction, which included how we should all prefer to be a Christmas cracker rather than a Christmas pudding.

You guessed it; she was selling a fucking diet programme.

I rolled my eyes so hard that I’m amazed I didn’t detach my retinas.

I object, most strongly, to being referred to as a “pudding”.

Don’t get me wrong, pudding is f***ing delicious. It is tasty and awesome, and more often than not, pretty! I’m always pleased to see pudding.

But this seriously annoyed me on two levels:

One, I don’t like it when people try to sell me diets. I don’t like to see 70% or so of a room being alienated because they’re not skinny enough to be allowed to live.

Two, this was a business networking meeting, with a focus on referral marketing. You don’t try to actively sell to the other people in the room. You educate the other businesses about your skill sets, so that they can refer work to you.

To my mind, it is not good business sense to hint that everyone else in the room is just a bit fat. It is not good business sense to annoy/irritate/downright piss off people that you are hoping will refer you business in the future.

Now, I never would have referred business to this lady anyway, because I strongly disagree with the ethos & product that she is selling. But I would have done her the courtesy of listening to her, had she not royally pissed me off in the space of 45 seconds.

Here’s my two cents for you, Karen:

So, no – I’m not worried about losing weight before the Christmas season, just so I can pig out in comfort because I’ve EARNED THIS BINGE BY STARVING MYSELF FIRST.

I’m not worried about losing weight before all the Christmas parties start, because if you really care more about what I look like than the hilarious stories I’ll tell you and the awesome shapes I’ll be throwing on the dance floor, then I DON’T WANT TO PARTY WITH YOU.

Also, Karen – Christmas crackers are not environmentally healthy. They contain plastic wotsits that we just throw away, and are usually covered in glitter or metallic paper, which you can’t recycle.

Whereas a pudding is delicious, makes me happy, and is fully biodegradable.

In conclusion, fuck off, Diet Karen.

Now someone pour some more brandy over me. I like to be soaking gently in alcohol in preparation for the holiday season.